3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
