he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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