remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
