I wish my penis had an off switch
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
