I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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