the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
