i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
