he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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