I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
