you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
