As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
