he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
