apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
