She said her name was "party"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
