he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Shame - the story of my life.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
