Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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