Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
