Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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