I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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