just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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