yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
