you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
