I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
