he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
