hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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