another moral hangover. fuck.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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