I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
