3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
