We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
