dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
