all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
