Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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