Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
