I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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