Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
