Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
