did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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