im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
