Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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