I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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