don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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