so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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