It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
