I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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