My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Mom said you looked used
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
