Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
