Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
