his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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