Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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