He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Ambien. No doubt about it.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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