how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
